Thursday, September 22, 2005

Apprentice Season 4

After watching the train wreck served up on The Apprentice tonight, I have to ask if any of these contestants watched any of the previous shows. Let's start with the obvious, you never want to be the first project manager. Statistically your odds aren't very good. The first people fired are almost always the PMs.

I think Markus realized this but, holy cow, what a dweeb. I hate to pick on the guy, I mean, he put himself out there. It's not like I entered the contest. Seriously though, the fellow needs to learn how to shut-up. Even though he managed to pull out a win, the name of the early game is fly under the radar.

Kristi, oblivious to the statistics, plunged right into the PM role. She nearly earned a cab ride home for it too. Luckily, Melissa was even more annoying than Kristi was stupid. Not only does she miss the fly low trick but she missed the second most obvious lesson from the first three seasons, bring as many people into the board room as you can! Bringing back just Melissa was not a bright strategy.

Maybe my two pearls of wisdom aren't as firm as I thought. Neither PM got fired and Kristi pulled out of a head to head match up in the board room. Still, I stand by my advice. Like I said this show was a train wreck from the word go. Seriously Donald, a foot race? Chopper hide and seek? What were you thinking? Talk about putting the ladies at a serious disadvantage! Not only do they have to out run the men, they have to do it in heals and dresses. I can't believe it was even close. If the guys had lost that they'd never live it down. Was that Kristi sprinting for the helicopter? Holy smokes, she almost made it! Guys, pull it together.

Oh, the task, that leads me to my next piece of sage advice. Handing out flyers on the sidewalk in New York City is about the most ineffective marketing campaign anybody can think of. We've seen this tried over and over again. It never pans out well. Pass out flyers to the people in the gym. Pass out flyers to people in other gyms! Send a mass e-mail out to the gym members. Strike a discount deal with the local Jenny Craig center. Bring a friend and save %20. Get an office to bring their entire staff as a team building exercise.

Let's talk about the course content for a minute. This is New York, how about self defense classes? A 60 minute lesson that could save your life. Use your aerobic training to your advantage. Free pepper spray to each student.

So much for the legitimate tactics, now lets move to the shady devices. Just pay people to be there! They only raised $500. There are 9 people on the team. Everybody chip in $60 bucks and you're done. Too overt? Offer a free massage to the first 36 who sign up. Everybody on the team gives four 15 minute rub-downs. It only takes an extra hour and it's an easy sell at $20. That would have been $720, right there. Pitch in hats, T-shirts, gym bags, anything.

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